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#ProdChat – 1/30/13 – Saying “No”

#ProdChat – Saying “No” – 1/30/13

@apinaud hosted #ProdChat to discuss the topic, “Saying ‘No,'” which also happens to the topic of his new book, No ( http://goo.gl/bPhFI )!

  1. @apinaud hosted #ProdChat to discuss the topic, “Saying ‘No,'” which also happens to the topic of his new book, No!
  2. If you need to learn to say “no,” tonight’s #prodchat is for you! Guest host: @apinaud. Join chat:  http://ow.ly/hgK3A 
  3. Welcome to #ProdChat, the weekly #productivity chat! Topic: “Learning to Say No.”
  4. Tonight topic is inspired on my new book “NO”  http://bit.ly/No-en #PProdChatand I hope we can have some fun in the process
  5. Q1: MY NEW BOOK, NO, TALKS ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF NO’S WE HAVE IN LIFE. WHAT ARE SOME? #prodchat #productivity
  6. .@apinaud‘s new book, No, is available on Amazon and it’s a quick read. Check it out!  http://ow.ly/hgOMX prprodchatprproductivity
  7. Let’s start things off with introductions. Who are you? And, do you use to a specific #productivity system? #prodchat
  8. RT @apinaud: Q1: MY NEW BOOK, NO, TALKS ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF NO’S WE HAVE IN LIFE. WHAT ARE SOME? #prodchat #productivity
  9. My name is Augusto Pinaud, I am the guest-host tonight of #ProdChat. I am a writer, a BestSeller Author, a productivist and a GTDer
  10. A1: I mention on the book 3 kinds. One you should avoid. One you should learn to use and One we need to learn to use
    #ProdChat
  11. A1.1: One you should avoid.
    The NO we tell to our kids and the people we love.
    #ProdChat
  12. A1.2: One you should learn to use.
    The NO we don’t use and tell to others because we are afraid.
    #ProdChat
  13. A1.3: One you need to learn to use.
    The NO we need to tell to ourselves
    #ProdChat
  14. RT @apinaud: A1: I mention on the book 3 kinds. One you should avoid. One you should learn to use and One we need to learn to use
    #ProdChat
  15. RT @apinaud: A1.1: One you should avoid.
    The NO we tell to our kids and the people we love.
    #ProdChat
  16. RT @apinaud: A1.2: One you should learn to use.
    The NO we don’t use and tell to others because we are afraid.
    #ProdChat
  17. RT @apinaud: A1.3: One you need to learn to use.
    The NO we need to tell to ourselves
    #ProdChat
  18. @profkrg Having a writers dream. I can type the questions and be OK answering them… I can reply to my own internal voice ;) #ProdChat
  19. @IsaPinaud hello :) This is the designer of the cover of the book #Prodchat
  20. Confession: I haven’t read your book yet, but it seems like sometimes we need to tell our family no. #prodchat
  21. @apinaud so, you’re talking to yourself and admiring your intelligence? ;) #prodchat
  22. hi #prodchat –I’m Natalie–an academic & a personal productivity coach who helps people move forward on their important projects.
  23. @profkrg We do. The problem is that we don’t use the word NO appropriately, so we say NO when we should had say and viceversa #Prodchat
  24. @profkrg I am sorry to say, that it may be the other way around. But doing the best we can #ProdChat
  25. I’m Jess | I help undergrads make the most of college through @UGSuccess RT @apinaud: @JessaBahr Welcome! Introduce yourself! #prodchat
  26. Hi #prodchat I’m Isabel designer of the cover of NO who also practices GTD
  27. @nmhouston I begin writing NO, looking for an answer on Why I use it so poorly. #ProdChat
  28. @nmhouston I discover that you can use something good with others that you don’t do with yourself #prodchat
  29. A2: It’s easier to say no to myself than other people. #prodchat
  30. A2. It’s not easy at all for me, It’s a struggle, but it had teach me so much
    #Prodchat
  31. A2: Way harder than one would think! I know my motivating factors and how to make something sound like a great decision #prodchat
  32. A2.1 I struggle identifying when to say NO and actually saying NO appropriately to myself. But I am getting better at it
    #prodchat
  33. A2.2 But think about this: How we expect to say NO appropriately to others if we can’t do it with ourselves.
    #ProdChat
  34. A2 – I have been more intentional over the past few years to integrate work/life – getting better at saying no #prodchat
  35. RT @thehealthmaven: A2 – I have been more intentional over the past few years to integrate work/life – getting better at saying no #prodchat
  36. @thehealthmaven and I am sure, that it is a constant effort to kept yourself on that intention #Prodchat
  37. A2 I believe in reinforcing positive behavior — with self, with others, with animals, rather than punishing negative. #prodchat
  38. A2 We think we are great at saying no to ourselves, but we subconsciously avoid it. #prodchat
  39. Agree! RT @IsaPinaud: A2 We think we are great at saying no to ourselves, but we subconsciously avoid it. #prodchat
  40. @nmhouston I agree When I say said NO, it’s not with the goal of be negative, is use it well to be able be happy #prodchat
  41. @JWLevitt #Prodchat is an hour of productivity on twitter. Every Wednesday from 8 to 9 EST. Come and join us #ProdChat
  42. @JWLevitt Today topic is saying NO. Based on my most recent book, called NO.  http://bit.ly/No-en #pprodchat
  43. @JWLevitt #prodchat is a weekly chat about work/life #productivity — tips, methods, approaches
  44. Q3: WHAT ARE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES PEOPLE SHOULD SAY “NO” MORE OFTEN? #prodchat #productivity
  45. @apinaud can you give an example of what you mean by “saying no to yourself”? #prodchat
  46. Maybe I don’t actually say no to myself. Maybe I just think I do? #prodchat
  47. RT @apinaud: Q3: WHAT ARE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES PEOPLE SHOULD SAY “NO” MORE OFTEN? #prodchat #productivity
  48. A3 – I will immediately say that volunteering for things that are too time consuming should be on the top of the list #prodchat
  49. A3: I over commit, so I should say no more often to “opportunities.” #prodchat
  50. A3. When was the last time you miss the event of a loved one because you say YES at work?
    #ProdChat
  51. A3: “No! I will not hit the snooze button 15 times” is a big one for me #prodchat
  52. A3.2 When was the last time you say YES to your kid, because you felt guilty?
    #ProdChat
  53. A3: When you can’t remember why you do something. Doing something because you’ve always done it is not rational #prodchat
  54. @profkrg The only way to figure that out is to pay really close attention to everything for a period of time #prodchat
  55. I wrote a post last week @ProfHacker for the over-committed: “Should You Say Yes or No?”  http://chronicle.com/blogs/profhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 /bprodchatfhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 #prodchat
  56. Nope. @apinaud: A3. When was the last time you miss the event of a loved one because you say YES at work?
    #ProdChat
  57. @nmhouston As a parent, friend, I had said YES to things, because I felt guilty? I should had say NO.
    #ProdChat
  58. Lies! @IsaPinaud: A3: “No! I will not hit the snooze button 15 times” is a big one for me #prodchat
  59. All the time. :( @apinaud: A3.2 When was the last time you say YES to your kid, because you felt guilty?
    #ProdChat
  60. A3.2 “I’m sorry. I cannot dedicate myself to a task so time consuming at this time.” Hard to say right? #prodchat
  61. @profkrg you ROCK! sadly I know many people that fit that question. that had stay at work instead of doing the important thing
    #Prodchat
  62. Many people say yes to too many things because they don’t have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchat
  63. @nmhouston Saving it now so I can read it later :) Skimmed it and it looks very interesting #prodchat
  64. RT @JessaBahr: A3: When you can’t remember why you do something. Doing something because you’ve always done it is not rational #prodchat
  65. Very true RT Many people say yes to too many things because they don’t have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchat
  66. @profkrg I know people with flexible jobs that simply don’t… So get credit when you deserve it #ProdChat
  67. @IsaPinaud is right — it is good to practice saying No — have a few scripts ready #prodchat
  68. RT @nmhouston: Many people say yes to too many things because they don’t have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchat
  69. @nmhouston also for FEAR of what others may think of them #prodchat (conscious or not)
  70. Story of my life. MT @nmhouston Many people say yes to too many things because they don’t understand their existing commitments #prodchat
  71. I think a lot of folks would rather cancel on themselves than another person, but they hurt themselves in the end. #prodchat
  72. RT @nmhouston: I wrote a post last week @ProfHacker for the over-committed: “Should You Say Yes or No?”  http://chronicle.com/blogs/profhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 /bprodchatfhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 #prodchat
  73. Simplest way to say No is just to be polite and not give reasons. “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to attend.” That’s it. #prodchat
  74. I think I say yes because I’m really interested in so many things. I then get stressed because I’m a perfectionist. #prodchat
  75. @scott_bot we all have been there, one time or another.It’s something that we all need to learn #ProdChat
  76. @JessaBahr Agree… They will cancel themselves, then the love ones. A lot of times NO is not used appropriately
    #prodchat
  77. @profkrg Story of my life: singing, painting, drawing, writing, reading, dancing, design.. so much to do so little time? #prodchat
  78. Q4: WHAT ARE SOME REALLY POORLY USED REASONS FOR “NO?” #prodchat #productivity
  79. @nmhouston but that is a muscle that if you have not exercise it is so hard to use (and therefore to say and do) #Prodchat
  80. Yes, @JessaBahr is right — not keeping commitments to yourself can be so damaging #prodchat
  81. @profkrg I have more time when I’m not being a perfectionist :) #prodchat
  82. RT @apinaud: @nmhouston but that is a muscle that if you have not exercise it is so hard to use (and therefore to say and do) #Prodchat
  83. @IsaPinaud exactly! Then I get stressed because I can’t meet my own standards of perfection. #prodchat
  84. RT @apinaud: Q4: WHAT ARE SOME REALLY POORLY USED REASONS FOR “NO?” #prodchat #productivity
  85. @apinaud agreed. That’s why scripts are helpful — practice! and try it out in low-stakes situation first. #prodchat
  86. @profkrg You are in my head reading my thoughts tonight Kenna! #prodchat
  87. A4: Fear and uncertainty are terrible reasons for saying no. #prodchat
  88. A4. People is afraid of the image of NO, what if they think I am not capable? Indispensable? responsible? hard worker?
    #ProdChat
  89. A4.2 Even worst ones: I will eat the cake, skip the gym, have one more glass of wine, buy this last thing; no one will know
    #ProdChat
  90. That is an excellent affirmation to remember RT @thehealthmaven: @profkrg I have more time when I’m not being a perfectionist :) #prodchat
  91. Agree 100% RT @profkrg: A4: Fear and uncertainty are terrible reasons for saying no. #prodchat
  92. RT @thehealthmaven: @profkrg I have more time when I’m not being a perfectionist :) #prodchat
  93. One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves ‘someday I’ll have time’ @profkrg I have more time when Im not being a perfectionist :) #prodchat
  94. I think people say yes because they don’t want to disappoint the person making the request. #prodchat
  95. @profkrg and that is a perfect answer for Q4, even that doesn’t make it appropriate to use that yes #Prodchat
  96. Q5: IN THE BOOK, I SAY THE MAIN JOB OF THE BRAIN IS “PROTECTION.” WHY DO YOU THINK THAT’S IMPORTANT TO SAYING “NO?” #prodchat
  97. MT @scott_bot: A project is never done, it’s simply stopped. People comfortable with stopping earlier accomplish more. #prodchat
  98. A5. His main job is protect you, and it’s that the reason will make you afraid. If you never say NO, you will never do anything
    #ProdChat
  99. A5.2 That’s the reason it is terrifying as a Writer publish a book. Your brain will protect you for the unknown
    #ProdChat
  100. A5.3 In order to protect you, will try to kept you in to the known territory and far away from the unknown
    #ProdChat
  101. A5 Obviously if we are protecting ourselves we are not saying NO to ourselves in order to make us “happier”. Completely wrong. #prodchat
  102. Thank you so much – I have a call in a few minutes – I completely enjoyed! #prodchat
  103. A5 If you don’t say ‘no’ to what you want/don’t want you can’t say ‘yes’ to what you need. #prodchat
  104. @thehealthmaven Please come next week. Same ProdChannel, same ProdTime #Prodchat
  105. RT @JessaBahr: A5 If you don’t say ‘no’ to what you want/don’t want you can’t say ‘yes’ to what you need. #prodchat
  106. .@coachoncall writes about having Absolute Yes and Absolute No lists as reminders #prodchat
  107. RT @nmhouston: .@coachoncall writes about having Absolute Yes and Absolute No lists as reminders #prodchat
  108. An Absolute No list is a list of things you remind yourself to always say no to. Very useful. #prodchat
  109. Q6: HOW DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BUILD A HABIT OF SAYING “NO” POSITIVELY AND PRODUCTIVELY? #prodchat #productivity
  110. @JessaBahr I hope you can join us next week #prodchat
    Thanks for participate tonight!
  111. RT @nmhouston: An Absolute No list is a list of things you remind yourself to always say no to. Very useful. #prodchat
  112. RT @apinaud: Q6: HOW DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BUILD A HABIT OF SAYING “NO” POSITIVELY AND PRODUCTIVELY? #prodchat #productivity
  113. A6: Pause long enough to question the value of the request in relation to my goals. #prodchat
  114. You can practice saying No. And realize that it will feel awkward if you are used to saying Yes all the time. #prodchat
  115. @nmhouston sound similar to what I called the Do not do list maybe? I will read into that. I love those kind of reminders #ProdChat
  116. A6. Yes. I believe that learning to say NO to yourself you will be able to use it appropriately in the people you love and others
    #ProdChat
  117. A6.2 You can’t use something appropriately that you can’t use on yourself
    #ProdChat
  118. RT @profkrg: A6: Pause long enough to question the value of the request in relation to my goals. #prodchat
  119. RT @nmhouston: You can practice saying No. And realize that it will feel awkward if you are used to saying Yes all the time. #prodchat
  120. A6 – Try to take your ego out of it. Remember that Yes – you CAN do something, even if you say no this time around. #prodchat
  121. Also, recognize that some situations, or with some people, saying no will feel much harder. Start with an easier one at 1st #prodchat
  122. A6: By remembering practice makes perfect and that nobody’s perfect. Therefore, don’t be too hard on yourself if you fail at first #prodchat
  123. yes, @MaryKatharine is right — remember there will be other opportunities later, you don’t have to do everything right now #prodchat
  124. Thanks for join the fastest hour in twitter
    See you all next week for another #prodchat!More info in the book:  http://bit.ly/No-en 
  125. Everyone, please give @apinaud a warm thanks for hosting #prodchat this evening! Personally, thank you, Augusto!
  126. thanks @apinaud for hosting #prodchat and telling us about your new book!
  127. RT @nmhouston: Many people say yes to too many things because they don’t have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchat

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